True Love Doesn't Have a Happy Ending...

I am not sure why I am posting here other than to say I am feeling lost. My long-distance girl friend and I broke up around the holidays. I did the no contact thing for about a month and a half but then broke it when her birthday came up. I sent her a long turgid letter expressing the good and bad in our relationship but letting her know that I was willing to end long distance and move permanently to be with her. We spoke shortly thereafter on the phone. She said she loved me. I loved her. I then told her that I was coming to her city for an event and that she should go with me. She balked and said no. I asked why. She said it was not relevant. When I pressed further she told me she had plans with another man. She refused to tell me his name. She said she was "interested in him" but that he was just a friend. She then said nothing had happened between them but that she would not see me as doing so would "stress her out."

When I got to her city, we emailed some more but she refused to speak by phone ostensibly "to protect herself." I wound up skipping out on the event and returning home early because everywhere I looked I saw her. I asked her to clarify why she would not see me. No response. I asked her whether we would be together if I moved to her city as we had discussed over the previous two years. She said no. She needed her space and wanted to be my friend.

She then told me again that this new guy was just a "friend" and that she was not dating anyone. It was just so odd. If he was just a friend, why couldn't she talk to me? Why couldn't she say his name? Why would she hide this from me? I have known her for four year and we had never hidden anything from each other before.

Anyway, her message about never wanting to be with me was clear so I sent her an email. A vicious and mean email accusing her of lying and cheating on me and telling her that we would not be friends. Having sent it, I feel a tremendous sense of loss but somehow feel as if I shut the door on my own terms.

Notwithstanding all this drama and everyone telling me that I am better off without her, why do I feel such pain? Why am I writing on this website? When does it get better? Does she ever come back to me? Should I not have sent her a mean message?

I think I know the answer.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Let each day come.

And it will get better.

But I just don't understand. We dated for two years long distance. We broke up 6 weeks before we didn't have to be long distance anymore. Why wouldn't she want to be with me? Why is she with another?