views sought on my situation

hi all,

I just wanted to get some views on a situation I've recently experienced

there's a girl I'm friends with (I wouldn't say close friends, really, but good friends) - we've been so for maybe 18 months. And I'd say for about 2 years I've found her very attractive. Not only is she physically attractive, but she's just a really, really lovely person.

anyway, about a year ago I gave her some pretty clear signals that I was interested in being more than friends with her, though I didn't tell her explicitly. I know she knows I was interested, because a friend of mine spoke to someone close to her, and the friend told me that she knew. I also know that she's not looking for a relationship, and may even have a preference to avoid one altogether - though I suspect if someone she found really attractive came along, she could well change her mind.

but ever since I'd indicated my interest to her, I'd been too gutless, basically, to take it any further. Anyway, recently I did get up the nerve to ask her if she'd like to do lunch 'one day this week'. She said ok, but she wasn't sure which day, and I just left it with 'we can work it out.' My whole plan was to have lunch with her and tell her how I feel about her - basically I was just going to say 'I think you're a lovely person, and I'd just like to start spending more time with you.' I think this would make my feelings and intentions pretty clear.

A day or so later, I emailed her on another topic, and just said at the end 'I can do lunch Friday if you want'. She didn't reply, but she did speak to me that night and said she wasn't sure about Friday, but could do Monday or Wednesday the following week. And she said 'we can work it out.' Her tone at that time was friendly, and quite definite about the fact that we would do it, it was just a matter of working out the day.

anyway, on Friday after lunch I emailed her and said 'how is lunch on Monday looking?' She replied saying it should be OK, but asking if she could confirm on Monday. I didn't take this as a good sign, since clearly she didn't seem all that interested, or she'd probably just have said 'yes', or maybe 'if I can't, then we can another day next week.' My reply was 'no problem.'

then, on Monday, she doesn't email me until well after lunch (about 4.30) and says 'I can't do lunch at this point, but hope you maybe enjoyed a nice lunch anyway.' So: she didn't bother to tell me until after lunch that she was going to cancel, and then gives me a pretty clear indication that she doesn't want to do lunch at all. (She said she 'can't' do it, but obviously it's actually a case of 'won't'. If she wanted to, she simply would. She is busy, but she'd simply make the time if she were interested, or if she felt it was the right thing to do out of politeness.)

this is all a rather big deal to me, as I've wanted to be in a relationship with somebody that's right for me for about 20 years, and though I've had relationships, they've been few, have mostly been very short-lived, and have never been with a person that is right for me. Finally, I think I will get to tell somebody that IS right for me, and is a very lovely person, that I'm interested in going out with them. And then she basically refuses to have lunch with me. I mean, I could keep pursuing it, but that would seem a waste of time, since by indicating that she doesn't even want to have lunch with me, it's seems extremely unlikely that she'd want to date me. I was very disappointed since I've dreamt about this girl for a long time (probably two years now).

I do see her regularly (usually every day) - and prior to this incident I was friendly towards her, but now I've been acting somewhat coldly towards her, because I admit I'm angry with her for refusing even to have lunch with me. I mean, I've just been feeling, if you're refusing me because you think I might want to date you, and you don't want that, couldn't you at least have had lunch with me and faced me and told me? Rather than just avoid me? I've only really seen her a couple of times since this incident, but I suspect she's picked up on my changed manner towards her and that she knows why I've changed.

but I just wanted to get views from people here about whether my reaction is natural, or am I overreacting, being overly sensitive? I had thought that since we had quite a friendly relationship, she wouldn't just reject me like this, that she might at least allow me to have lunch with her.

I also have a fear that perhaps because I've reacted with anger in this way, it will just drive us apart, as she'll feel that my friendliness towards her was merely based on the fact that I was attracted to her. And now that she's "rejected" me I've turned cold. Which does indicate that I don't care for her in a selfless way, and that my motives with her are selfish (since as soon as she didn't give me what I wanted, I became angry).

what do people think? Has she been rude? and is it natural for me to feel angry? Or am I being too sensitive?

any other thoughts?

I thank any and all who reply